Hiking in Bear Country<\/strong><\/h2>\nA guy’s going on a hiking vacation into the remote mountains out west. Before heading into the wilderness, he stops at a small town general store to get some supplies.<\/p>\n
After picking out provisions, he approaches the crusty old guy behind the counter.<\/p>\n
\u201cI’m going hiking up in the mountains, and was wondering–do you have any bears around here?”<\/p>\n
“Yup,” replies the storeowner.<\/p>\n
“What kind?” asks the hiker.<\/p>\n
“Well, we got black bears and we got grizzlies,” he replies.<\/p>\n
\u201cI see,” says the hiker. “Do you have any of those bear bells?”<\/p>\n
“Say what?\u201d<\/p>\n
“You know,” explains the hiker, “those little tinkle-bells that hikers wear in bear country to warn the bears that they are coming, so the bears aren\u2019t surprised and attack them.”<\/p>\n
“Oh, yeah. Back there,” he says, pointing to a dusty shelf on the other side of the store.<\/p>\n
The hiker selects some bells and returns to the counter to pay for them. “Another thing,\u201d the hiker inquires, “how can I tell when I\u2019m hiking in bear country anyway?”<\/p>\n
“By the scat,” the old fellow replies, ringing up the hiker’s purchases.<\/p>\n
“Well, uh, how can I tell if it’s grizzly country or black bear country?” the hiker asks.<\/p>\n
“By the scat,” the storeowner replies.<\/p>\n
“Well, what’s the difference?” asks the hiker. “I mean, what’s difference between grizzly scat and black bear scat?”<\/p>\n
“The stuff that’s in it.”<\/p>\n
Frustrated, the hiker persists, “Okay, so what’s in grizzly bear scat that isn’t in black bear scat?” he asks, an impatient tone in his voice.<\/p>\n
“Bear bells,” replies the old man as he hands the hiker his purchases.<\/p>\n
More Hiking Humor: Complaints to the U.S. Forest Service<\/strong><\/h2>\nHow well do you know your fellow hikers? How smart do you think they are, anyway? These are actual complaints to the Forest Service from trail users.<\/p>\n
“Escalators would help on steep uphill sections.”<\/p>\n
“Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs to reduce worldwide population growth to limit the number of visitors to wilderness.”<\/p>\n
“Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands.”<\/p>\n
“Ban walking sticks in wilderness. Hikers that use walking sticks are more likely to chase animals.”<\/p>\n
“All the mile markers are missing this year.”<\/p>\n
“Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill.”<\/p>\n
“Too many bugs and leeches and spiders and spider webs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests.”<\/p>\n
“Please pave the trails so they can be plowed of snow in the winter.”<\/p>\n
“Chairlifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them.”<\/p>\n
“The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals.”
\n“Reflectors need to be placed on trees every 50 feet so people can hike at night with flashlights.”<\/p>\n
“Need more signs to keep area pristine.”<\/p>\n
“A McDonald’s would be nice at the trailhead.”<\/p>\n
“Too many rocks in the mountains.”<\/p>\n
“The places where trails do not exist are not well marked.”<\/p>\n